Sounds of the Season: A Realistic Christmas Album

With such Holiday favorites as:

1. “Forced Compliments and Feigned Interest Towards People You Don’t Know”

2. “The Click of a Porch Light Preventing Strangers from Singing on Your Property”

3. “Dad Yelling at the GPS on the Way to Grandma’s”

4. “Your Newly Vegan Cousin Scoffing at the Appetizers”

5. “Muffled Crying in the Bathroom During the Party Because You Remembered how Lonely You are Now that You’re Single”

6. “Grandma’s Eggnog Farts”

7. “The Slurred Racist Remarks of a Drunken Uncle Unwrapping a George Foreman Grill”

8. “Pretending to Appreciate a Handmade Sweater that is Already Too Small”

9. “The Vocal Wailings of Your Divorced Aunt (She Tried So Hard on the Sweater)”

10. “Grandparents Explaining Why the Job Market Isn’t Turning Around Anytime Soon, Especially for Self-Absorbed Kids Like You”

11. “YOU RUINED CHRISTMAS” (featuring your parents)

12. “Silent Drive Home”

Available in stores soon.